Sunday, November 02, 2014

Chris Quinn's John Kasich video revives orgy night

The orgy circuit's been slow upstairs. Ralph Perk gave himself a hyrnia pile driving Betty Cope at the last one, so with injuries, the gossip crowd, and images none of us can get out of our heads just yet, me and Tom Brazaitis been goin it alone, which gets boring. So we had to order out for hand delivered brown paper bag material. The usual stuff don't cut it up here, kids.

"I know just the thing," Brazaitis whispers across my heaving bosom. Next thing I know Northeast Ohio Media Group Online Editor Chris Quinn is at the door with a special delivery from the land of the living. Brazaitis pops a video into his laptop, invites Quinn to stay. 

"Wait a minute...," I say. Old Dot has standards. I pour some gin. "Quinny Boy needs to audition first." 

Brazaitis drops his pants to reveal his glorious "County In Crisis" tattoo across the hairiest ass in the entire known CLE media afterlife. "Pucker up, pal!"

Quinn gets on his knees and licks his way across every letter in the font, nice and slow. Great. I ain't got time for this crap, so I press play on the video. There's one guy in a suit, another guy in an open collar, talkin' birth control. Why me. Brazaitis bolts for the door.

I toss my corset, Brazaitis slips on it, I'm all over him. "Not so fast Tommy. Lemonade from lemons." Delivery boys from the land of the living don't just fall off the tree every day, who cares if their snuff video ain't all its cracked up to be. I pull out the stirrups, saddle up Quinny, Brazaitis starts shouting "I'm pro-life! NEO MAHHHHGGGGG" and it's on. 

We're a bit loud, so word spreads, soon we got a crowd. The Van Sweringens bring their cage, Arnold Pinkney puts a bowl of condoms in the corner, Gib Shanley and Fannie Lewis use Quinny like an electric bar room riding bull. The video's a hit! 

Next morning at Ghourladi's canasta game, I get a bottle of VO for bringing the swing back to the afterlife. Del Donahoo asks for a copy of the video. 

Back in business!

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