Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Eliot Ness on the law beat

Hanging with the likes of Barnaby and Ghoulardi all day long is fine for a few laughs and some cocktails, but it's gettin' me nowhere on this story. So I turned to the real deal.

Eliot sits me down, lights a Lucky Strike. I ask him what he's got. He tells me this thing is the most sordid tale of human depravity he's seen since the torso murders. Tells me if he got caught doing this when he ran for mayor he'd be hanging from the Soldiers & Sailor's monument by his testicles. I tell him cut the dramatics, I need dirt. He delivers.

Sharks in the water, he says. Lawyer sharks. Divorce filings. Things gettin' ugly, he says, real ugly. Tells me a certain law firm's partners are starting to circle around a certain fellow partner's clients like Jaws sniffing chum. I ask him for a Lucky Strike. He gives me one. I light it, take a hit, exhale nice and slow. Then I cut to the chase.

I tell him I want every man he's got on this story until he delivers the goods or I'm gonna find out just how untouchable he is. He nods. Says look lady, just doin' my job. I thank him quietly.

1 comment:

mister mister said...

Dear Dorothy,

While I am enjoying your trip down memory lane, may I remind you that nothing you have spoken of to date tops the time in the mid-70's when you were doing your regular lunchtime call-in show on the news with Joel. Someone called in and said, "Dorothy? You're an old bitch!" and although the sound was immediately cut off the camera jumped wildy back and forth while you raved like a maniac. Joel sat there slack-jawed gawking at you, but can ya blame him? When they came back from a long commercial break you were history.

Get it together sister, you know you left our poor Joel hanging out there sputtering apologies to your audience. Since you see him regularly now, do apologize to him and make professional amends.

I think that moment in Cleveland tv history ranks second only to baraby's drunken "There ain't no goddamn bird in that cage!" on-air tirade.