Reader mail from the poorest city in the US
I love your blog. It's better than reading Dan Savage. I need some advice. Last year, my Episcopal priest wife started getting it on with the then mayor of the poorest city in the US whose campaign she was running. I walked in on my wife gettin' busy with the mayor, in my own house. Did I mention they're both women? My manood has been shaken to its core. What do I do?
Signed, Dying of Pride Evisceration
I have just the thing for you. Give your Episcopal priest wife more of your money so she can start a new investment project with her lesbian former mayor lover. That way, you can keep an eye on their hot girl-on-girl action while they spend your fortune, and no one will be the wiser. Keep me informed.
I'm a former mayor of the poorest city in the US. My husband's been a prancing gay our entire marriage, so I started going down on my Episcopal priest campaign manager during my last re-election campaign. She's hot, totally your type. Only problem is, we lost the election, and now I think my political career is over. What do I do?
Signed, Jackin' Off Kuzza Episcopalian
Don't be so glum. All you have to do is get the Episcopal priest's husband to give his wife more of his money so you two kids can do a nifty project together. No one will get wise to any of it, so your political career will be resurrected. Send me updates.
I'm an Episcopal priest married to a titan of industry in the poorest city in the US. He's so cute and rich. Only one problem...I've been eating out the former mayor since before she lost her re-election. It's hot. I think about her every time I give out the Eucharist. What do I do?
Taking Rich Ass's Money Pronto
This all can be solved with more of your husband's money. Start some swell new project with your husband's fortune and put the former mayor on the board. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it out, too? Update me along the way. Thanks.