Prospect of Gov. Kucinich puts CLE Media Afterlife on Sam Miller Countdown

Ol' Dot's worn out, kids. Pull up a chair.

Everybody up here in heaven knows about my...ahem...."trysts" with Cleveland's reigning (still) oligarch Sam Miller in his pied a tier in Shaker Square. Can you believe he's still among the living? No one up here can.

Before you get your #MeToo knickers in a twist, how do you think I became Queen of All Cleveland Media? Everyone knows if you want a scoop from Cleveland's oligarchs, no better way than to catch their eye across a punch bowl at the Theatrical, get busy makin' em think you're "in love".

So Betty Cope comes over for a night cap bringin' a bottle of Four Roses with that look in her eye, and an announcement. "Guess who's gonna be the next Ohio governor, Dottie?!" Such a tease. Dangling a garter belt over my cocktail. Like I play guessing games.

Two hours later Betty's covered in sweat, lighting a Lucky Strike across the pillow, spills the beans. "Dennis Kucinich!" I spit out my dentures. Betty starts cackling like a hyena, I get dressed and rush over to Elliott Ness's place.

"Nessie," I tell him over a Bloody Mary, "You know what this means if Dennis becomes governor." Ness stares into his celery stalk for a moment, breaks his silence.

"That's gonna kill Sam Miller."

"I KNOW!"

"My sources tell me he's really....missed you." Ness thinks he's breaking news.

"Ol' Dot don't need this, Nessie."

"That chicken's comin' home to roost, Dottie!"

"How much of eternity am I gonna have to spend lettin' Sammy down easy?"

Ness chuckles. "I hear Ghoulardi's throwing a Sam Miller Countdown Party at Joel Rose's place tonite, since you're probably gonna be outta commission for a while once Sam arrives."

I find myself staring into the middle distance. "I can't let Dennis win."

"Sam can't live forever," Sherlock...sorry, Ness...declares. We head over to the countdown party, I'm in a daze, which turns on Tom Brazaitis. A few hours in between the cheeks of the Hairiest Ass In The Cleveland Media Afterlife, and I start coming to.

As he's stripping my stained bed for the laundry, I cut to the chase. "Tom, I need you to make sure Dennis doesn't win, so I'm not tied up with Sam Miller for an eon or two."

"Dottie, that's a pretty big ask." Great. Brazaitis finally gets scruples.

"All you gotta do is plant a story with those pimps at the PD, Tom, don't play coy with me."

Tom tries to talk me down. "Maybe Dennis Kucinich being elected governor thus killing Sam Miller who unites with you in the afterlife is the greatest love story of all time?"

This is gonna take some work.